Reflection to Monday and discussion about the third paper

     I did not have a very good experience Monday - I felt like she didn't understand the purpose of my paper.  While I knew the context wasn't perfect, her suggestions were far from what I could see happening to the paper.  I appreciated that she tried to help, but I also felt like she misunderstood my purpose.  It did make me realize how, even if a student were to try hard to express their ideas to a tutor, the tutor may not listen.  This feels frustrating.  I was sad to walk away feeling like I had no good idea of where to go next.  Luckily Phil had a great experience, and had one simple idea that cleared up what seemed like such a big issue before.  I also think that a persons personal view on the assignment, and life, can affect how they interpret things.  This can hinder communication if people are from opposite spheres of opinion.  Overall, the experience made me want more than ever to make my students comfortable and to closely listen to them.  

     Oh a better note, I am happy with my third paper.  I'm glad I worked with Phil because in the end, we created a better paper than I could have alone.  We did have a few stylistic issues, but since we are both tutors, we were able to recognize that it was just a style issue and not something that was wrong.  We then moved on to actual issues, after agreeing on how to stylistically form specific areas.

For those of you that read this blog, you'll be happy to hear that everything turned out okay.  Phil received the emails in time.  It turns out he's an early morning writer.  

Writing

      My last paper actually changed the way I view writing.  I hate to admit it, but I actually used to quickly choose what I was going to write on, and often made the evidence fit my point.  I realized that I had done that with my last paper, and at the last minute found a truth in my evidence I had not noticed before, and completely rewrote my paper to express the new idea.  This time, I couldn't begin writing until I had found something that fit the evidence.  Phil and I met Saturday morning to plan our paper out, and we finally came up with an idea in the last ten minutes, but unfortunately he couldn't meet again to discuss it during the weekend.  I new a second meeting was necessary.  On Saturday night I was going through my observations again, to try and format what we talked about, and I realized one of the sessions just didn't fit with the idea.  I spent quite a few hours today thinking.  I kept thinking and talking through the ideas, writing my ideas down, then changing them.  After over an hour of this battle, I finally came up with a completely new idea that fit with all the evidence.  Since then I've been trying to contact Phil, but it doesn't seem possible.  I just hope he receives my emails before he's written too much (although since he couldn't meet again, I don't know when he's be writing).  I'm meeting with him tomorrow morning, so that should help.

Anyway, it amazes me that my view of writing has changed.  I am much happier with the idea I worked so hard to find in the evidence than any other I could have created.  It's a lot more rewarding to write a paper that you really believe in it and write the truth.  I'm looking back at my first paper, and I am amazed at how bad it is!  Within a few minutes I had many ideas of how to change it, and I'm working through the new information I found so I can create a better paper.  It's not a super quick process though, but I'm trying to finish it fast so Jackie can look over it at least once.  (I don't want to bombard her with papers.)  

I just have one question for Jackie.  What did you do?  My writing changed completely, and I cannot pinpoint what you directly did to help cause that.  I really appreciate the change.  My writing is now more a reflection of myself and my ideas.  I think I was too afraid to look at my own writing closely before, but I'm glad I did.   

Online Tutoring and My Project

     The chapters on online tutoring did give some justification of how it can be very effective, but it doesn't change my mind about it.  I'm still not comfortable with online tutoring.  I've never had a good session, and I think only one or two people have actually shown up.  All of my experiences were last semester, though.  I almost had one today, but the girl came in instead, because she couldn't figure out how to get on.  In the first essay, I felt like the director was almost being rude when he said that only tutors who had tutored face-to-face disliked the online tutoring.  I think if the newer tutor did tutor face to face, she would have the same opinion as the others.  I cannot see how online tutoring could really be better, as the second article seems to claim.  I also think it is funny that a tutor is intended to write very casually online, therefore showing the student exactly what not to do in his or her paper.  

     Since I discussed my project in my last post, I would like to post my good news.  Phil and I switched to the writing center, since the writing desk didn't have enough appointments.  We are observing Taylor.  I was able to do two hours of my observations today, and I will finish my observations tomorrow.  For one of the observations, Phil was the one being tutored.  While I thought this would be awkward, it proved to be a good session for both of them.  I was able to watch Taylor become more comfortable with the situation as it continued, and they both seemed very happy when the session ended.  They both showed a strong feeling of accomplishment.  An interesting twist on the matter, Jason observed me observing the session.  I am adding his notes into my observation notes.

April 6

     I am very worried about completing the work for our project.  Phil and I contacted the writing desk immediately, and we have finally been through the beginning processes and will be able to observe tutoring this week.  Unfortunately, they have a very small number of appointments scheduled for the week, and I don't think any are scheduled when we can observe them.  It is frustrating that we came this far and I'm not sure if we'll be successful.  This is greatly frustrating to me.

     While reading the chapters for tomorrow's class, I realized that I don't meet expectations for the beginning of a session, and I don't think I could meet some of them.  The book mentioned talking a long time with your client so both of you feel more comfortable.  I'm not good at this in other situations; I don't know how I would suddenly become great at it now.  There are some clients I become comfortable with, and will talk a little more with, but even then I focus mainly on working with their paper.  As long as I see the purpose of a session as helping the student with their work, I will always focus more on getting to work than talking.  I think this is an ongoing battle in my head.  I try my best to do everything I can to be a good tutor, but when suggestions clash with my personality it's difficult.  It takes me time to get to know a person, and small talk at the beginning of one session would not be enough for me to feel comfortable.  How can I expect that to work for everyone else?

Response to Sherwood and Jacoby

     The first chapter discussed censoring of ideas, or encouraging self-censoring.  The writer is correct that it can be harmful to encourage either, and it seems to me a good solution to avoid either would be to honestly discuss the situation and implications of the writing.  In fact, with both articles, discussing the situation with the student, as an equal, would solve many of the problems or worries expressed by the writers.

     The second essay compared tutors to physicians.  I would have to say that I am a little tired of reading about how writing tutors compare to other professions. 

     In response to the second article: tutors are also students, and students are the product of multiple educational institutions.  It can be criticized that tutors are just further socializing students to the institution, but what isn't?  Even rebellion from an institution can be joining another institution or set of expected ideas.  

     The mentioning of gatekeepers puts a different spin on Phil's introduction to the tutoring book.

     My conclusion is that both authors are adding to the ongoing discussion we've been having about tutoring.  In fact, with the comparison between medial professionals and tutors, he states many of the same arguments of how a tutor should be, just with odd comparisons.

Murphy and DiPardo

     The first reading sounded familiar, at least at first.  We had previously discussed how a tutor was similar to a therapist, and this text further supports that idea.  When looking upon it closer, as is necessary to develop questions, I realized that there were many claims that seemed odd to me.  I do not enter a session feeling I am to change the behavior of a student.  Even if I help the student to become a better writer, I cannot change anyone.  All behavior changes take place internally - the student would have to choose to change.  I guess this idea alone bothers me greatly.  They also referred to a session as an intervention, which sounds horrible!  I do not consider students that come to the writing center to be heading down a writing path so horrible that someone must stop them right away.  Honestly, I do not consider everyone that comes through the doors to be a pathetic case that needs my utmost help.  I want to help people with their writing, but I'm not going to begin with any preconceived notions that seem negative, as those ideas seem to me.

     The second article made me think about an ESL student I work with often, and many others in general.  Many ESL students just want me to help them make their papers "better" or more like native writing.  The feedback some teachers' give can be harsh, and not really help point a student in the direction they need to go.  Why does our culture expect everyone to conform to it, and not accept that English is not the one and only language?  It seems like the idea, it's right and the only way because it's my way, is overly evident in this case.